


Lítost

by xLonelyDreamerx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Obi-Wan Kenobi, Codependency, Dark Padmé Amidala, F/M, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Multi, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Padmé Amidala Lives, Polyamory, Possessive Anakin Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Suitless Darth Vader, Vaderwan, obikin, sever force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLonelyDreamerx/pseuds/xLonelyDreamerx
Summary: After his lovers' betrayal, looking after Luke has been the only beacon of hope for Obi-Wan.When their lives are threatened however, Obi-Wan must leave the impersonation of Ben Kenobi and remember who he really is.While also avoid the vicious Sith Lord and his wife who are determined to capture him at all cost
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 48
Kudos: 419





	Lítost

**Author's Note:**

> May the 4th be with y'all
> 
> This is my first story in this fandom and I'm a nervous wreck.  
> I know this is huge for a first chapter but trust me I deleted so many paragraphs so it wouldn't be longer.  
> I've seen the movies when I was young and only recently I started watching the Clone Wars (yes, now that it's over)  
> and I've become all the more interested in this universe.  
> I've started reading the books and comics but please feel free to correct any mistakes I might make.

_“For the last, I told you, I'm not going to let you wrap the boy like you did with his father! You brought him to me to protect him and that's what I'm doing! I’m protecting him from **you**!”_

_“ I wasn’t trying to train him” Obi-Wan tried to appeal him_ _calmly, slightly raising his hands in surrender “You've made yourself quite clear on the matter. I only answered a few of his questions and he figured out the rest himself.”_

_“You can keep your answers to yourself, Kenobi! Luke doesn’t need this! I was a fool to let you be near the boy but no more!”_

_His breath hitched, the expected words still successfully caught him off guard. He swallowed, composing himself and looked at him directly. “The force is in his blood, Owen. Even If I don’t do anything he’ll-_

_“I don’t care! Haven't you murdered enough Skywalkers? You already got his father killed! Let the boy live!”_

**.**

**.**

**.**

Obi-Wan gulped down the drink in one shallow, the alcohol burning as it flowed down his throat. It felt good. He had not meant to make a stop at the bar but he couldn't bring himself to go back to his usual routine. Instead, he raised a hand and whistled to get the attention of the barman.

His mind was numb, his future in doubt and his life stuck in a limbo.

Luke had turned officially 6 today.

After so long, Obi-Wan had thought with the passing of time, the pain of their betrayal would ease slowly, that his wounds would numb into a scar.

Instead, it only got worse. No matter how hard he tried to avoid the HoloNet, to not watch or read anything about them, it was nearly impossible for passing travellers that made a stop at Tatooine to not gossip about the Emperor's enforcer and his wife.

The people loved whispering about them; about their relationship, their clothes, their behaviour, their future…

_Lord Vader looks at her like she’s the sun_

_She’s so lucky to have a man like him_

_How come they haven’t conceived a child?_

_There has to be a problem – another man, another woman, maybe?_

They served as a distraction – a distraction he had no interest to listen to

Still, Luke’s birthday had been a reminder of who they used to be: his _lovers_. He used to roll that word shyly in his head, in disbelief and glee. It was scandalous. They were a secret. _His_ secret. And no matter how much he had tried to ignore the truth, to bury it in the depths of his heart along with all the other secrets he held – it was too late to deny it. He had loved them.

Too much

( _How_ _could they do it?)_

Not nearly enough

( _I should have killed them)_

“C’mon Wuher, I don’t have all night!” Obi-Wan slurred at the bartender, riled up at being ignored. He tried to get up from the chair in vain as he slammed back and a small giggle escaped from his lips. It wasn’t funny but he wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream. He wanted to feel something other than the unbearable exhaustion that he carried every day in this wretched planet.

Sometimes there were fleeting moments – when the nights were too cold, when he was too hungry, when the tiny bed he had made was too empty – he regretted separating the children. Sometimes he played the fantasy where he had them; maybe they would still on Tatooine (because force knows this garbage planet always had a hold of him that refuses to let him go), maybe they would be somewhere else; somewhere like Naboo, but _not_ Naboo, it would have been too risky. Whenever they would be however, they were always happy.

He heard the chair next to him making a squishy noise and he turned to say something – to complain, to greet, to offer - only to find a familiar pair of blue eyes staring back at him with a hint of amusement.

“I should have known better than to think you’d go home.”

He took a sip and passed the bottle grudgingly to the smuggler. The man liked to drink, a bit too much for his own good. Obi-Wan wished he could blame him for reducing him to _this_ ; a drunk, old fart, wasting his remaining days in a place made for scammers and thieves but he knew better than to hide from the truth. It was his fault. – just like everything else

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head, not looking at his unwelcome companion. He didn’t want to remember how wonderfully the day had started. How he had showed up at the Lars and found Beru alone, which had earned him a free breakfast from her skilful hands. How excited Luke had been when Obi-Wan waved the podrace tickets out of his reach.

Beru had always encouraged his visits, had always invited him for meals. She had went as far as to make a room for him – much to Owen’s fury and Luke’s delight.

It was due to her kindness and small mercies; he even has a chance to be in Luke’s life. _Had_ , he reminded himself bitterly. Owen wasn’t a bad man, he only wanted to protect his family but it was difficult to feel sympathy for a man who wanted to take away his only joy.

 _He was mine first_ The dark thought slid in his mind quietly

That was the boy he had taken cared of for months along with his sister. Obi-Wan could still remember how Leia had always made small noises while she slept, how she would be the first one to open her eyes and scream at the world. Meanwhile, Luke had been the opposite of his twin; quiet, compliant but twice as needy. When not at the side of his sister, Luke had loved being held, for his feet to never touch the ground. While Leia had been a small ball of energy, a bright light that kept him together from falling into his sorrows. Luke had been his soothing balm. Sweet, reassuring. A cool water calming his open wounds. And a small part inside his head had yearned to keep them.

He had more rights than anyone else. In another life he would probably-

“Ben!” A voice snapped him out of his thoughts

“Eh?” He looked at his right confused, temporarily forgotten the other’s existence. The amusement had faded and his friend looked like he was ready to do something stupid, he guessed

“You started mumbling to yourself.” He whispered in a low voice, glancing around the room to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “What’s wrong? Have you ordered something heavier than usual?

“No, no” He waved his hand dismissively, feeling unsure. Was the room moving? He could have sworn the floor moved a bit. “Just thinking”

He was beginning to feel the effect of the drinks, he was sure of it. He placed down the glass before touching the wooden stool to support himself and get up. He was stronger than his instincts, he could do it. He was a Jedi, he was-

On the floor

“Easy, buddy” Jax bent down next to him and grabbed one arm to wrap it around his shoulder, with a helpful support around his waist. Obi-Wan faltered before deciding to just lean all his weight on him. “Easy, easy.” Jax adjusted his hand around his waist, his hold becoming firmer.

Obi-Wan sighed, feeling exhausted and dizzy. He buried his face into Jax’s neck, nuzzling him to be closer. It had been so long since another human beiing had touched him. Jax was warm and safe, familiar…

Jax cleared his throat without attempting to put any distance. “C’mon body, let’s take you home before you do something you’ll regret.”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to protest, “I don’t… I don’t…”

What did he want to say? He chuckled at his lost train of thought. He was so stupid. “You’re so good to me, you try and try and I don’t… I don’t… eh, you’re good though. _Good_ ”

The other man barely raised an eyebrow at his behaviour and paid for his drinks instead, without taking his eyes off him. “That’s why short people like you should be more mindful of what they’re drinking.” He commented nonchalantly

“I’m not short!”Obi-Wan shouted with a sudden burst of energy, making a wide, sweeping gesture with his hand.

Jax looked around alarmed and smiled awkwardly at the curious eyes that watched them. “Shhh! Be quiet!” He hissed, pushing him in a hurry out of the cantina

“Everyone else is simply taller,” Obi-Wan mumbled under his breath.

“Alright! Kriff! Let’s go, one leg on the right, one of the left. Follow my lead.”

Obi-Wan hugged him and reached his ear carefully, as if to tell him a secret. “I know how to walk.” He whispered

Jax yanked him away without releasing him and rolled his eyes, “I doubt it very much, Ben. How were you planning to go home if I didn’t find you, hm?”

He blinked, trying to fight the haziness in his head. “No ‘ome” he murmured lazily, retracting his arm. He slapped the hand around his waist and took a few steps on his own.

He lasted merely few seconds before his face found the sand

Force, how he hated sand.

“Are you done?”

Obi-Wan rolled around until he was on his back and stared at the face that loomed over him like a cloud.

The smuggler looked like a spirit ready to take him. His skin surprisingly pale despite the amount of time he had remained on Tattoine. In the dark, with his light hair and blue eyes, so blue like…

“You’re kinda pretty y’know…”

Jax burst laughing, his body finally releasing the tenseness it had when they had been inside the cantina, “You’re impossible, Ben” He shook his head with a crooked smile akin to fondness and _tenderness_.

Suddenly his throat felt tight.

“Let’s go home, Ben”

“No home”

The other man sighed, finally having enough of his stupidity and forced him to get up, mimicking their previous position.

“Enough. I’ll take you home and will leave as soon as you’re tucked into bed,” Jax said in a firm voice that left no room for arguments. “You can go back to being your secretive self tomorrow”

With a pout, Obi-Wan let him guide them

* * *

He woke up feeling as if he had the desert in his throat. As though someone was squeezing his skull tightly and a feeling of nausea started forming in his stomach. Before he even had time to think enough, Obi-Wan rolled over to right the side of the bed and puked everything he had consumed the night before. Despite the pain lessening, his bones still felt heavy. The only thing he wanted to do was stay under the covers and sleep forever

_Forever sounds nice_

The harsh light in his hut served as a reminder of his obligations. He untangled himself from the sheets and groaned as soon as he tried to stretch his back.

He took a rag and cleaned the remaining evidence he had let out and prepared to eat yesterday’s leftovers. He grimaced upon looking at the familiar sight of Snake soup. It was a good thing he had been trained to endure harsh, living conditions or he wouldn't have beem able to force it down, - even living bugs had a better taste than _this_.

He grabbed the japor snippet that he always had tucked safely under his tunics and brought it close to his face. "Remember when we used to complain about the food at Jedi Temple? You always tried to create the most extravagant meals for us” He stroked the small ivory wood gentle with his thumb. His eyes half closed, getting lost in a memory of another time, another place, another life.

A loud knock started him, snapping him out of his reverie. He got up abruptly but paused at the door bewildered. _The Jundland Wastes are not to be travelled lightly._ He thought suspiciously. _Surely, Beru knows better than to risk herself. Unless Luke-_

He opened the door and his worried expression melted into an embarrassed one

“Isn’t it too early for a morning visit, Balan?” He retorted, stepping aside and returning to his awful snake soup.

Jax raised an eyebrow, almost touching his hairline. “So, we’re back to surname again?” He nodded lazily with a shrug. “And here I thought we got close last night, Ben”

Obi-Wan shut his eyes and inhaled, all the regrets from last night coming to him like air. How much of a fool he had made himself to be

“I’m grateful for your assistance the night before but I do not recall it being an invitation for breakfast.”

Jax took a seat in from of him, his grin growing wider at memory; “You recall calling me pretty then?”

“I said _kinda_ ” He corrected and cursed under his breath, looking anywhere but the face upon of him.

Instead of saying anything, the smuggler went back to the habit of staring at him with that look as if everything he did was the most amusing thing in the world

“What?”

“How about we go to the market and get you something more appealing than… _that_?” He pointed out the soup with a repulsive look.

“I find snake to be quite delicious, thank you.” He lied, taking a huge spoon and winced immediately as soon as he tasted it.

“Ah-ha” Jax hummed, tapping his fingers at the table with a pointed look.

Obi-Wan sighed in defeat and pushed away the plate, mentally cursing at the growl of his stomach. “Let’s be done with this.”

* * *

His speeder was left a little further away from the market. He hoped it’d remain hidden, giving it less chances for it to be stolen.

Jax climbed off the speeder and wiped off the sand that had gone on his clothes. Obi-Wan mimicked his action and wrapped a long, thick scarf to cover half of his face. Despite the years that have passed by, there was still a small amount of paranoia lingering whenever he made contact with anyone who stared for a bit too long.

His long, unwieldy hair and wild beard simply weren't enough to calm the uneasiness he got every time he visited Mos Espa. He had wanted to build a reputation as a crazy hermit, but his friendship with Beru and Jax didn't help.

The smuggler always encouraged him to visit Mos Espa, to have a night drink at the nearest cantina. The locals no longer considered a mad, half-drunk man who weirdly enough preferred to live on the scattered edged of civilization. They still had rumours – because what else was there to do in a planet like this other than creating stories, but he was one of them

Obi-Wan took a peek at the smuggler who seemed excited as they ventured deeper into the marketplace. Something akin to guilt twisted in his stomach as he thought how persistent the other man had been; Jax wasn’t obligated to stick by his side, but he still kept up with him; helping with getting the medication for Luke, warning him about Jappa's thugs who had the habit of visiting people randomly from time to time. Beru always chastised him for keeping distance, for being hard to read. Surely, it was obvious he was grateful though. Right?

"Thank you." The words came out quietly but he was heard. Obi-Wan could see the flicker of surprise on his friend’s face before it fainted into one his usual half grins.

"Don't over think it, Ben. I only use you for the speeder."

A tiny smile broke out from his face and he warned him in mock- offense. "I should be charging then."

Jax shrugged, giving him a look that said it all. "Hmm, that sounds like a good investment”

Obi-Wan pulled up the musty cloth covering his nose and mouth up further, eyeing the familiar sellers that were screaming at the top of their lungs to attract customers. He swallowed, feeling a bit overwhelmed at the sudden noise – arguments, shouting and laughter of a dozen different species. He fought off the urge to run back and return another time.

There was a thick, white mist risen from the ground. He didn’t take this as a bad omen. It was more of an ordinary occurrence in the hot planet.

He looked around, wondering if he get a glimpse of little Luke being chased by Beru this morning. The boy always went off without his aunt, despite her countless warnings and justifying scolding.

“He’s not here, Ben” A female voice sang.

His eyes trailed towards the stall selling fruits and he exhaled a sigh of exasperation at the familiar figure of Melara cleaning one of her fruits before putting it on the front for display.

He wetted his dry his lips with a pink tip of his tongue as he looked at fruits with a feign interest. “Who?”

She snorted, not buying his clueless act. She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms as she leaned back and stared at him expectedly. “I talked with Beru today. He’s grounded”

It was hard to conceal his disappointment but he nodded. After the previous day, he really should have known better.

“Can you give this to Beru next time you see her? It’s Luke’s medication. He was so excited yesterday, he forgot to take it”

Melara’s twinkle of amusement dulled in her eyes and her smile transformed into a frown. She stared back at his with disapproval, pressing her lips together. She pinched the bridge of her nose and returned to her work. "I'll never understand the Lars' “

"I'm an old man who has yet to understand the word no" The jest felt flat and given her expression, Malara did not appreciate his silly attempt to light up the mood.

She huffed and took another fruit to clean, aggressively this time. “You’ve helped them _so_ much. “ She insisted but he could only stare at the knife that was moving too closer to her flesh as she continued her cutting. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find help? People just take, they never give.” She sighed offering him the freshly cleaned fruit.

“They have their reasons.” He traded carefully, eyeing the fruit; it was brightly yellow and with the way she had cut it he could already see the cream coloured juice dripping from her hand. His skipped a beat he remembered the person too obsessed with _that_ fruit.

_“Ready for you my Lady!” He announced, taking the beverage into his hand as he moved towards the living room, ignoring the mess he had made in the kitchen. He bowed and offered the drink before he took a seat besides Anakin._

_Padme laughed and nodded, faking a serious look. “Why thank you, Master Jedi.” She bowed back mockingly before taking the drink_

_“Prepare to lose, master” Anakin murmured in his ear, a cocky smile on his face._

_Shivers ran down his spine at their closeness and he shifted, with a failed attempt to put some distance between them. He was unnerved at how easily flustered Anakin made him these days._

_He cleared his throat. “False knowledge is more dangerous than ignorance, dear one.”_

_Anakin gave him a bemused look as he leaned back on the couch and put his arm around the shoulder_

_Obi-Wan glanced back at the senator who was too busy examining the drink as if looking for a poison before his head turned, his bewildered gaze searching the boy’s face for an answer._

_Anakin only gave him a dopey grin before nudging to look back at Padme who wore a face of determination._

_He wrinkled his nose and shrugged, confused at his former padawan’s recent behaviour._

_Padme put the straw between her lips and took a long sip, consequently coughing a little bit. She took a second and paused momentarily before removing the straw completely, and chugged down the whole thing all at once meaning. She ignored his stunned look and pplaced the glass back on the table before looking at them expectedly._

_"That was flavoursome" She commented, licking her lips. “Dex’s Diner should watch out for you, Obi-Wan”_

_“Padme!” Anakin jumped, mouth agape with incredulity._

_The beautiful woman shrugged, unapologetic. “Sorry Ani, but it had shuura syrup in it. You know I’ll eat anything with shuura.”_

_Obi-Wan made a face and stroked his beard thoughtfully. “A very valuable information to have, Senator.”_

_She bit her lower lip, hiding a smile. “Don’t use it against me, Obi-Wan”_

_“I wouldn’t dream of it” He assured with a chuckle and glanced at Anakin, feeling his distress through their bond. For a second, Obi-Wan wondered whether he had taken it too far. Regardless of the recent events, he knew better than anyone how easily jealous his former padawan could get._

_His assumptions would soon prove to be erroneous, as Anakin gave him a look he knew too well. The same look he gave when he had wanted to skip meditation, the same one when he wanted to postponed his deserved lectures._

_"You're going to help me, right master? Our apartment hasn’t been cleaned since the last time we left Coruscant!” He whined, giving him a pouty look almost reminding him of the younglings from the temple_

_His lips curled up in a rare lazy grin. “And take the joy of a learning experience from you?" He touched his chest and feigned offence. "I could never."_

_Padme laughed and smiled broadly as she clapped her hands together in excitement, “I’m also going to need a second drink after this. You should considerate changing career Obi-Wan.”_

_He raised an eyebrow, half wondering if the alcohol had gotten already in her system. “Opening my own bar or serving senators?”_

_She twirled a curl around her finger and shamelessly admitted, “I think the last one would benefit me greatly.”_

_“A dream come true” He said dryly before his attention shifted to Anakin who had crossed his arms and looked ready to throw a tantrum_

_“I can’t go back alone, master. It’s… dark outside” He said lamely, flushing at his poor excuse_

_“I’m sure you’ll manage, Ani” Padme crossed her leg and eyed him lovingly as he sighed and raised himself from the couch._

_“What will you two be doing here?” He asked, his eyes darting between them with an unrecognisable look. Obi-Wan tried to reassure him through their bond that he would be joining him shortly and of course he would help him with the chores. But once again he was blocked_

_He tried to catch his eyes but Anakin was purposing avoiding him._

_Padme palmed his leg, the solid tips of her fingers settling firmly on his thigh, steady and sure. "I'll seduce him into our bed." She proclaimed boldly and he almost chocked. Obi-Wan looked at the woman stunned, wondering when the serious, intelligent Senator had left building._

_A deep laugh escaped from Anakin and his tensed shoulders loosened slightly. His eyes twinkled with amusement, and his lips twitched into a secret smile. “Try not to scary him away then.” He leaned down and gave Padme a kiss._

_Obi-Wan shifted, uncomfortable with how close to him the couple were. Padme’s hand still hadn’t moved from his thigh and he could have sworn she gave a squeeze._

_It was his imagination, surely. Anakin and Padme had a unique sense of humour, he had learnt quite late._

_…and their own sense of time. He thought briefly as the pair deepened their kiss. He coughed and cleared his throat, sending Anakin a waning look. Just because he had accepted their relationship and had sworn to keep it a secret didn’t mean they could be so… upfront with their display of affection._

_They broke apart and Obi-Wan could finally breathe. He could feel the heat rising from his skin as the two lovebirds said another goodbye._

_Just when he thought his former padawan would finally leave, Anakin bent over once more and dropped a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t return late, master”_

_Obi-Wan blinked stupidly for a long moment, trying to process what had just happened. Never had Anakin done something as… forward as that before, and his mouth nearly drops open in complete surprise. He had always been bold, often testing his boundaries but to kiss his cheek…_

_Obi-Wan didn’t comment past a stilted “what?” which made Anakin’s smile turning significantly brighter as he clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulders._

_“Have fun!” he said in a rush, the mood between them having completely changed into something that Obi-Wan couldn’t recognise_

_When he shut the door Obi-Wan turned to face Padme expecting to see the same uneasiness and agitation. Instead, the woman took a hold of his chin and slowly closed his mouth that had been parted in disbelief._

“No, thank you Melara” He declined politely, trying to shake off the memories that clung to him like a second skin. 

_Is this how I will live the rest of my life?_ He wondered, not for the first time. _Will every little thing serve as a reminder of them?_

It was a cruel punishment

“Oh come on, Ben. This is on me!” Melara winked, raising her chin to point down at his torso“It definitely seem like you need it”

A long arm blocked his view as it took the fruit eagerly. “We’ll take it”

He didn’t bother to mask his irritation. He glared at the other man who beamed as soon as he saw his glare. Sometimes Obi-Wan wondered whether Jsx provoked him on purpose

“Are you having good sales, Melara?”

She wrinkled her nose, her lips curling upwards into a sneer, “Still following Ben, I see. And here I was hoping you’d stay in the inner ream this time.”

Jax gasped, touching his chest in a feign offense. “And leave the exotic planet of Tattoine? How could I?” He claimed dramatically and stole a few fruits from the stalls. Melara tried to protest but the smuggler hushed her, “Didn’t you offer them for free?”

“For Ben!” She snapped, covering her remaining fruits.

“I will eat them _with_ Ben then.”

Obi-Wan bit his lip to hide a half-hearted smile. His attempt was unsuccessful as their eyes met and Jax flashed his signature grin. “You’re impossible”

His eyes went to the bags he was holding and he found himself asking, “What are those?”

Jex looked at him as if he had asked the densest question and his brows pulled together. “Our necessities!” He spilled out, rolling his eyes. “Since you were too busy gossiping with the _lady_ right here.”

Melara frowned and glowered back at him, her jaw set, “He wasn’t gossiping, he was asking for Luke!”

Obi-Wan swallowed and lowered his gaze, feeling ashamed at being caught.

Jax rolled his eyes and massaged his temple unable to withhold a sigh of exasperation. “Ben, just go and see the damn kid.”

“Owen has forbidden me-“

“You took the kid to a race!” He cut him off, spreading his arms as if to help make a point. “Big deal! Today you have his medicine. Owen Lars should set his priorities.”

Obi-Wan interrupted him before he could continue his speech, it was no secret Jax’s dislikeness of Owen but he never bothered involving himself with his issues. “Why do you even care?”

“Yeah,” Melara agreed, watching him with twinkling eyes. “Why?”

Jax looked torn between them, opening his mouth and then closing it again before he blurted. “I came up with the tickets for the podrace, so you could say it’s my… _responsibility_ to make up.”

The answer was satisfying enough for Melara whose attention returner to Obi-Wan and stared expectedly with crossed arms.

Obi-Wan looked away, wincing at the incessant throb in his heart. He wished he could tell them the truth; who we was, where he came from, the real problems between him and Owen – but he was a prisoner of his own lies

“Do you think you can take yourself home if I take the speeder?” He finally asked

Even without the force, Obi-Wan could see the relief and satisfaction on Jax’s face. “I’m sure I can find other methods of transportation” He winked at Melara who rolled her eyes with a little smirk when the smuggled nudged her

Obi-Wan thanked her one last time for the food and promised Jax to take him out for a drink tonight.

“Just don’t make me carry your ass again.” The smuggled called, laughing at his flashed face.

* * *

_Beru had finally finished making another traditional dish – Terrine was what she had called it. Obi-Wan almost moaned at the scent of it; he was lucky Beru was such a generous woman otherwise he would live the rest of his life only on snake soup and overcooked bread_

_"It'll be ready in a few minutes, it only needs to draw moisture from the mushrooms' juices and then we can eat."_

_"Is there anything I can help you with?" He called, ready to get up_

_Beru rushed into the living room, wiping her hands on her apron she was wearing. "No, no. Don't worry. There's nothing to do but wait for now."_

_He nodded, leaning back into the seat. It was quiet – something unusual for the household since Luke always tended to be handful. At the thought of the boy, he looked at Beru who dallied around the couch. Something was going on, he thought, suddenly suspicious of Luke and Owen's absence._

_"Shouldn't Owen and Luke be here by now?"_

_Her head snapped up and for a moment she was at loss, as if she had forgotten what she had originally wanted to say. "No, um, Luke is staying over at one of his friend's and Owen still has work." She explained with strained smile._

_Try as she might, she could do nothing but think not about the questions she wanted to ask but the answers she would dreadfully receive. She casted aside momentarly the guilt she felt for keeping Owen in the dark - he wouldn't understand, he never did. This wasn't about them anymore. This was about their child._

_Her throat went dry, her palms moistened. Unable to reach for her handkerchief in the furthest table, she wiped both palms on her apron again._

_Obi-Wan frowned and wondered for a moment if someone had bothered her again. Many parents asked questions about her parenting, her marriage, Luke’s parents, they were mostly out of curiosity but both Beru and Owen hated having the talk with Luke; which consisted of the boy asking questions about his parents and them having to dodge them._

_A feeling of protectiveness swept over him as he stared at Beru's tired face. It wasn't odd to be exhausted; life on Tatooine was hardly luxurious but Beru looked as if she hadn't gotten a good amount of sleep for weeks now._

_Owen was always the one who worked the most; he was hard working and traditional and he never wanted his family to miss out of anything. But he was also prideful and distrustful which lead to many arguments between the pair, that much he knew._

_Irritation stirred within himself and it surprised him how much he cared. It shouldn’t shock him. Ever since he could remember, he always had a problem with getting attached to people too easily. But Beru wasn’t just anyone; she wasn’t Melara with whom he always had small talks when he visited the marketplace or shared meals whenever she pressured him too much. She wasn’t like Jax either, with whom regardless having being on Tatooine for only two years had grown significantly closer._

_No. Beru was **family**. The word startled him. The last family he had disappeared was six years ago and yet… Tatooine – as horrible as the planet was, the root of everything that had gone wrong with his life – he had made a home, and it wasn’t the small cave he liked hiding himself into. It was Luke’s bright smile, Beru’s sweet comfort, and even Owen’s grumpy self._

_“Beru, what’s wrong? Something is troubling you, I can tell”_

_She took a deep breath, as if she was preparing herself for the worst. “That magic you have…” She struggled to remember the word. “It doesn’t go away, does it?”_

_He barely registered what she said; the force wasn't a subject to be opened, they had made it clear Luke would never know of his abilities. Regardless of his protests, Beru and Owen were still Luke’s parents and he had to respect that. For Beru to suddenly bring back the subject however… and while they were alone... He needed a drink for this. “The Force is not something you can make it go away, Beru.”_

_“You have!” She protested desperately. “You told us you can’t use it anymore.”_

_“It’s not the same…” He sighed, taking her hand into his, willing her to understand as he explained it as simple as possible. “Do you feel this?”He traced his fingers on her palm; their skin was similar, rough, evidence from days of tough work.”You feel my skin, my temperature. You are aware I’m here. Even if you closed you eyes right now, you would still feel my touch.”_

_He let go and Beru furrowed her brows, giving him full attention. “To cut oneself from the force is like to lose that sense. Only it’s worse because it’s more than a touch. The Force is…an energy field created by all living things; it binds the galaxy together. It’s seeing, listening, feeling. And it’s painful to exist without it. Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad.” He admitted quietly, remembering his first year on Tatooine; the sleepless nights, the days blending into one another, the loss of the sense of time._

_The force had desperately tried to find its way back to him through his dream. Alcohol had helped numbing his senses over the years but he could feel his willpower retreating, his strength debilitating_

_“I was desperate and foolish when I begged one of my Masters to do it. It was like dying but even worse – because to die means the pain will cease eventually but to live… the pain will keep going. In the times of the ancient Jedi, severing Force connections was used as a means of punishment. I, I cannot do that to Luke. Not only because it’s impossible right now, but it’s also cruel.”_

_She bit her lower lip, her fearful eyes searching for something on his face. “How will you protect us then?”_

_His chuckle surprised her but she relaxed more at the sound of it. “I have other means of defence, Beru. If the worst comes-“_

_Vader. He thought void of any emotion. He would kill him with no hesitation this time._

_“I can always restore my connection to the force.”_

_“I don’t understand.” She admitted, seemingly lost. “If you can restore it and you said, it hurts living without it then-“_

_“It’s not easy to do it without another force user.” He interrupted. “And it’s still safer for Luke. No one can find me anymore because simply put it, I don’t exist.”_

_It had been no secret to the world how much time Vader had spent roaming through planets to find his body. Officially, they had claimed it was to show the traitors of the Empire; to make an example out of them. However, whereas the search had stopped after the first two years for the council members they were unable to find, some people continued their quest to find his. An enormous number of Imperial credits were to be given for the lucky one to find The Negotiator’s rotten body._

_“You were right when you said we could not prevent this.” She shut her eyes, her breaths coming shortly. She wanted to cry, he could tell._

_He patted her back, stroking in circle motions and when Beru reopened her eyes, she could not prevent the tears running down her cheeks._

_Obi-Wan got closer, without letting her go. “What happened?” What had made Beru – sweet, optimistic, Beru– to breakdown like this?_

_“Has Owen ever told you about our daughter?” She chuckled humourlessly at his stunned look. “Of course not. “Why would he?”_

_“I’m confused,” he confessed, unable to make the connection to where this was all coming from._

_Beru wiped her face with the back of her hand and rubbed her red eyes. “Little before you arrived with Luke I had given birth to the most beautiful little girl. Owen had… a problem and it had prevented us from having children for many years but there she was; our miracle babe.” She sniffed, her glassy eyes blinking in repeat._

_“Something was wrong with her; she was too small, too frail, too quiet. Luke reminded me of her. Remember when I kidnapped you in the middle of the night because I didn’t know what to do with him?”_

_He almost smiled at the memory. “It’s hardly kidnapping when you have a willing participant.”_

_She nodded quickly and processed, “Luke wouldn’t drink anything without you there. She was the same… Only I had no idea why and how it was even happening. I-I thought she drank and then one morning I found her on her bed quiet, still-“ She laughed harshly, moving slightly away from him. “I didn’t even notice; how could I, when she was always like this?” She looked away, grimacing at the memory. “She had passed away during the night.”_

_“I’m so sorry for your loss, Beru, but it wasn’t your fault. It could have happened to anyone-”_

_“I know,” She cut him off unconvincingly, “When you came with Luke and told me about his problem, I thought life was playing a joke on me. But I swore to myself that Luke would grow up, healthy and happy.”_

_“And he has!” He insisted, grabbing her hand. “Beru, Luke is the happiest child because of you. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You have done a terrific job as a mother.”_

_“I try my best,” she nodded, her demeanour switching to a ferocious glare in a heartbeat, though her grip on Obi-Wan didn’t waver. If anything, she clutched tighter. “Few days ago, there was a reporter on HoloNews gossiping about two missing children who allegedly were force sensitive. When the parents appeared on screen, nobody seem to be listening to their concerns, their voices…I heard they disappeared too few days afterwards. Then a new reporter talked of suicide and advertised a new model droid for family counselling.”_

_Obi-Wan wasn’t shocked or maybe he had become numb at everything but one thing was certain; the Chancellor had worked too hard to lose the public opinion to two insignificant parents. In dismay, he could understand the political side of shutting them up._

_“Day and night, all I’ve been thinking about was what I would do if that had been Luke.”_

_His blood ran cold even at the prospect of it. “That will never happen.” Obi-Wan told her, a hint of steel in his voice._

_“You can’t be sure!” She stood her ground, her eyes bright with unshed tears. She blinked them away and ran a thumb over her lower lip._

_But he was. Because there **nothing** , absolutely nothing worth enough to draw Vader on Tatooine. The planet was unimportant, worthless garbage for the Emperor’s plans._

_“Those people were hopeless. There was nothing they could do, but I can. I can ask you to train him.”_

_His thoughts came to a halt and he almost jumped back,_ _his eyes narrowing in contemplation. “Beru, do you even understand what you’re asking? “_

_She didn't say anything, but there was a fierceness in her eyes that made something deep inside him tremble with anticipation._

_“Owen had-“_

_“He doesn’t need to know.” She insisted, shaking her head. “It’s inevitable, I see it now. As worried as I am for Luke, that power can protect him if he knows how to control it, how to live with it.”_

_His jaw clamped shut with a tiny snap, her words filling him. They filled his lungs, his brain, his blood vessels ,his heart._

_Joy. It was an emotion he had thought long forgotten and the strength of it took him by surprise. He squeezed Beru’s hand, suppressing a smile. His heart rate increasing as blood raced around his body, bringing him to life._

_“As you wish, my friend.”_

* * *

There was no one to greet him when he parked the speeder in the utility pit of the Lars homestead. Obi-Wan scanned around the area, his eyes searching for Owen, expecting him to be servicing the vaporators on the outskirts of the property, but found no one instead.

 _Maybe they’re dining._ He though briefly, his head turning toward the hills. The dim glow of the orbited twin suns was just beginning to fade, splashing the sky with the random colours of hot pinks, reds and even hints of purples and blues. The suns were so large that he felt he could almost touch them. They seemed to look at him with a dull glare, as if taunting him with their captivating light.

As much of a wretched planet Tatooine was, the sunset alone was enough to almost make up for its harsh life.

He walked through the courtyard and frowned at the sight of a broken vaporator; a little further from his feet laid a tower panel from the device, slightly carved. He yanked it and turned it around, feeling the mental against his hand; it wasn't too hot which meant it had only recently fell

An uneasy feeling crept up his spine. Cautiously, he walked over the courtyard again, eyeing up each door around him. He shut his eyes, carefully attempting to pick out any faint sound.

A little creak was enough to snap his eyes open; it was coming from the room where the sleeping lofts were

His hold tightened around the tower panel and he moved forward cautiously.

He had a bad feeling about this.

Obi-Wan’s body trembled as he reached one hand towards the doorknob. Something was behind there and it was anything but good. His body felt hot and sweat started trickling down his neck. He lowered the musty clothe, uncovering his mouth and gripped tightly the knob before twisting it. His breath quickened as he heard the creaking of the door again. Suddenly everything was silent as he shut the door behind him.

Luke’s room was void of any proof of invasion; his toys were scattered on the floor as usual, his comic books opened with worn out pages on the little desk he had built. The familiar sight did nothing to calm his mind. He decided to investigate further, contemplating whether to call out Beru or Owen. If someone were here however, he would lose any temporary element of surprise he had.

He turned around and shut the door behind him silently, venturing further. He trudged across the hall, his body tensed and ready for any attack. His posture lacked the usual exhaustion of his demeanour; the adrenaline was making him feel as if he could take on the world.

A buzzing sound from the oven made him stop dead in his tracks; he turned to see a HoloNet talk show playing lowly in the background – the signal was bad but he could still comprehend some of the words and images. He was stopped from checking by a loud thud, causing him to jump and search wildly for the source. His eyes settled at the open cupboard creaking opposite to the window. He glared at it as if that was the bane of his existence and made his way into the dining room.

His breath caught in his throat as he tried not to retch at the sight. He wanted to look away, needed to tear his eyes away, but he could not.

There was a disgustingly sweet aroma; foul and steaky – like calfskin being tanned over a fire. The smell was so thick and rich that it was very nearly a taste. His eyes took in the burns, the ripped flesh, the exposed bones.

Obi-Wan approached and the crouched down slowly, as if cornering a dangerous animal. “Owen…“

His tunic was gone, leaving the upper part of his body exposed. Obi-Wan covered his mouth, refusing to puke for a second time. He swallowed his saliva, almost choking as his body protested. Never to this day had he seen anything so inhumane. Someone had taken Owen’s skin and had spread it out to dry the way one might dry a sheet. All that remained lying on the ground was half fleshed corpse. Only the legs and armes had been spared for some unknowing reason. The most painful sight was the face. Two large white eyeballs stared out from the red mass of flesh. Teeth bared, the mouth stretched wide open as if in a shout. Two little holes were all that remained where the nose had been removed. The ground was a sea of blood.

Obi-Wan scrambled away, his breathing coming fast and shallow _. This is not happening, this is not happening._ His heart pounded like drams, echoing in his head. This was one of _those_ dreams. It _must_ be. Soon he would wake up on his uncomfortable bed, and he'd have to eat the awful snake soup from yesterday and _didn’t that already happen?_

“…en”

His head snapped up to the opposite direction of himself; someone was there, something was moving

_Go!_

His subconscious screamed and he sprinted over Beru who was clutching her stomach. She was intact; unlike her husband but there was still a pool of blood of her own. “Be-n” She stuttered, he mouth gaping open, trying to catch small breaths in between.

“It’s okay, Beru. Everything will be alright.” He reassured her, holding her in a fixed gaze.

“O-ow” she tried to raise her head in vain. Obi-Wan blocked the sight; she didn’t deserve to see whatever it had been left of Owen.

Something wet and sticky tainted his hands, he raised them to his eyes for a check and to his horror, they were red. His eyes wandered to Beru’s right side. If the knife had pierced the liver... He could not finish the thought. Instead, he turned her on her back, and shut his eyes as his hand wavered on top of her wound. For the first time after years, Obi-Wan tried to reach out to the force but there' was nothing. His closed his eyes tightened and he swallowed hard, trying to slow his rapid breathing. His heart thudded so hard against his ribs that he imagined it was ready to come out.

He screamed into the endless void for aid, _pleasepleaseplease_ but he could only make out a thick bright wall; its light was almost blinding, he almost wanted to crawl away from it as much as he wanted to run towards it. A nostalgic longing bloomed into his chest as he reached out, he was nearly there - the light inches beyond his fingertips, before an invincible hold yanked him away. His head was slammed backwards, his body falling to the floor.

He gasped, trying to breathe. A scraping, gurgling noise sounded instead. The muscles in his throat were thick and aching sharply, a million pinpoints steadily pricking him. His face flushed as the pressure mounted behind his eyes.

_There is no emotion; there is peace_

He dragged his body back to her, ignoring the sudden migraine he was getting. Beru’s body had lost its movement; her eyes were only staring at the ceiling.

As gentle as he could master, he cradled her head supporting her carefully as her eyes flattered open. There were no longer any lines of worry, she looked at him tired but calm. She cupped his cheek, her lips parting to say her last words like Siri, Qui-Gon, Cerasi, and Satine had done. He knew this part.

“Who did this?” He finally asked, something dark stirring in his chest; maybe if she didn’t say her last words, she wouldn’t die like them.

It was a hopeless dream

“St-stay wi-with…” She blinked a few tears, her face drawn and pale. She grabbed the fabric of his cloth with her last remaining strength, twisting it in her grip, “with Luke, Ben-”

A sharp pang shot across his chest and he shook his head, unable to let her go. “I’ll heal you. I’ll get you and Luke-”

She quizzed her eyes shut, gasping for one last time. “Luke. Stay w-!”

“I promise,” He vowed and her fingers that had clutched his tunic tightened as she gave up her hold.

_There is no death; there is the Force._

* * *

Before he begun his search for Luke, Obi-Wan had used his robe to cover the bodies; it hadn’t covered much but he had hoped it would conceal the tragic sight from Luke’s innocent eyes.

A numb sensation spread throughout his body as he searched for the young boy; it started tingling from his fingertips and it went down to his toes. The migraine hadn't stopped but he was glad for the pain; it shield him from the reality of the situation. He still felt shock, as if cold water had been poured over him, his panic subsided however and his mind took charge There was only one purpose right now.

_Luke._

He refused to believe he was gone. It was impossible. He would have known.

 _I must find Luke_.

He caught a glimpse of the boy. He could have easily passed by without noticing him had it not been for the hair. The messy mop of hair with the colour of sand, the same colour as Anakin's hair had been the day Qui-Gon had brought him aboard their borrowed ship. Obi-Wan would recognise that hair anywhere

His little figure was squeezed in the storage closet, along with the many unused stuff that the Lars had almost made a collection of. His happiness and relief was short lived as he pulled him out slowly and laid him down on the floor. _It would be a miracle is he hadn’t suffocated in there._

Obi-Wan shook him gently, concerned that any rough movement would cause him more harm. He had never looked more fragile than he did now – not even when he was born, when the stoically droids had proclaimed him to be too frail and weak to survive.

“Luke,” He called out softly, brushing away Luke’s hair from his forehead only to reveal a severe injure. He must have received a violet blow to crack his skull like that. Obi-Wan thought, panic rising within him, “Don’t this to me dear one-“ His fingers searched for a pulse first from Luke’s small wrist, before he moved to his neck.

Obi-Wan drew himself back, panting heavily as he stared at the small boy silently, waiting for something. It hit him like a proton torpedo to the gut;

_he is gone_

A small rational part reasoned he couldn’t die from being jolted on the head! Unless it was something heavy, his heart protested – like the metals or a heavy weapon.

Tears blinded his vision and Obi-Wan didn’t bother to wipe them. His whole life had always been one enormous string of losses, heartbreaks and shattered bonds, but despite it all Luke had managed to bring a part of him back to life when he had little to no care for his own survival. 

His heart lurched with a feeling he would never be able to accurately describe - terror would be the thing most akin.

He reached over and gathered him in his arms, detesting how cold he was. "You're going to be alright." He whispered, pulling him into his lap before leaning against the wall. He wrapped his arms around him, and tucked his head under his chin.

With eyes shut, he placed a hand over Luke’s forehead and concentrated.

Obi-Wan’s mind drifted into the darkness. On currents of the Force. He saw the bright wall, its glow almost blinding him. The closer he got, the more something tried to yank him away again. Sweat ran down from his forehead the more in insisted, he could almost taste it as he squeezed his eyes. He thought of Luke – playing with his friends, ranting about his chores, fooling around with the droids, designing his dream ship.

_One day I’ll visit every single planet, Ben. You’ll see._

A small moaned reached his ears and he pushed harder at the thought of life without Luke. Obi-Wan welcome the affliction, the fear, he draw strength from it to reach out. He would re-establish the connection even if it killed him.

His heart trumpeted painfully as a face swam out of the dark. Anakin; training together, joining together, fighting together. Against everyone – against each other. Obi-Wan did not break the wall. He went _torn it apart_. He took a sharp breath at the sight of the golden sting; its gleam small and dulled, barely seen – like a lost, forgotten star in the galaxy.

The was a strength coming from it. The Forced screeched at him to come closer and obediently, Obi-Wan grabbed it and he gasped.

The world around him exploded in a cacophony of light and sound. Every nerve in his body burned. In his head, a thousand sensations demanded for attention, but only one had his body locked into a frozen state. The string – the bond that he had sought out to destroy along with everything else. It was there _. Of course it was_. How foolish he had been to think otherwise. Just like his connection with the force that was temporarily hidden. The bond was always going to exist no matter who they were; jedi, sith, friends, partners, lover. 

It was a struggle to draw breath. His muscles screamed in protest as he drew more power. His palm tingled and he could feel the warmth coming off from Luke against his skin. He wanted to get lost in the sensation. In the force, into Anakin. He was finally home.

Oh and how Obi-Wan could feel him. Vader. Anakin. A supernova causing a powerful and a luminous stellar explosion; his presence in the Force was a roiling mass of darkness .

His eyes opened slowly and he glanced down at Luke who was staring back at him equally puzzled and lost. He seemed alright, however, if not a little tired.

The mended connection had settled into place, a puzzle piece snapping back to where it belonged. He was a full man again; whole and alive. He breathed in, temporarily relishing the air filling his lungs before something tagged him; a dark energy reaching out – familiarly strong and persistent.

_Vader_

**Author's Note:**

> ➠ I was honestly tired of always reading poor Obi-Wan being alone and miserable. So in this one,I'm actually gonna give him a happy one (as happy as it can be, given the situation) Think of it more as the calm before the storm.
> 
> ➠ Sever Force was something I created in my head but I actually cheched and it does exist in legends
> 
> ➠ Shuura was the fruit Padme shared with Anakin in episode 2. I also read it’s used as a flavouring for Fizzyglug in Dex's Diner . Thus the flashback was born
> 
> ➠ The reconnection to the bond was heavily based on a fic written by ilcuoreardendo
> 
> ➠ You can come and say hi [ here](https://xalonelydreamerx.tumblr.com/)


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